Rut Free Since 1:03
Going back to working on Titanic... With Zombies!, the musical I was working on for Script Frenzy. Dunno why, but I'm feeling creative again, which is good.
After I'm done with that, I wanna write a series of comedy sketches I've had bouncing in my head since 2003, way back when I was trying to write for The Brandon Show. They will likely never see the light of day, but it'll be nice to have 'em finally on paper, you know?
Point is: I think I'm outta the writer's block/rut. Score.
Although I Shouldn’t Have To Say This…
...I'll be dead-blogging the Apple Event later tonight (assuming the video is live by the time I get home), and giving my incredibly insightful and witty observations about the announcements, which will include at least one fart joke, no matter how hard I have to work to get it in there.
The Danny DeVito Twitter Slap Bet: It’s On!
As many of you may have figured out by now, one of my favorite shows on television at the moment is How I Met Your Mother. There's several reasons I like it so much, but it's mainly because the show's writers have brought so many quality concepts to my life... Things like the Barney's Lemon Law of Dating (which may be invoked "if, at any point during the initial five minutes (300 seconds) of a first date, either party deems the union hopeless and elects to abort said date in the interest of time and/or self-respect"), The Bro Code, and, most importantly, the Slap Bet.
The Slap Bet is my personal favorite of the things that How I Met Your Mother has brought to my life. The rules of the slap bet are as follows (via TV Squad):
THE BILL OF SLAPS
1. A slap bet is created when two parties involved in a disagreement, argument, or difference of opinion mutually agree that whichever party is proven right (or winning party) gets to slap whichever party is proven wrong (or losing party) across the face as hard as they possibly can.
2. In all Slap Bets, a Slap Bet Commissioner must be appointed. In the event of a discrepancy, the Slap Bet Commissioner makes the final ruling. The Slap Bet Commissioner must be someone fair and unbiased, someone kind hearted but not afraid to rule with an iron wrist.
3. When issuing a slap, the slapper must avoid lips and noses at all costs. The goal is for the palm of the slapper's hand to connect with the meaty part of the slappee's cheek thus providing utmost enjoyment and pain. If you're seeing handprint on cheek, you're doing something right. In the event of a bloody nose, the Slap Bet Commissioner shall award the slappee three slaps to be used in succession. Suggestion: The Dead Man's slap (rule 8.)
4. When issuing a slap, the slapper must not wear any rings, gloves, or other finger/hand ornaments to protect the safety of the slappee.
5. When issuing a slap, the slapper must keep one foot on the ground at all times to protect the safety of the slappee.
6. In the event of Premature Slapulation, (when the slapper slaps the slappee as hard as he or she possibly can and then afterwards, finds out that the slap was not warranted), the slappee gets to slap the slapper at least three times.
7. The Blind Man Slap: If the Slap Bet Commissioner deems the slappee particularly deserving, the Slap Bet Commissioner can issue The Blind Man Slap in which the slappee must close their eyes while being slapped.
8. The Dead Man Slap: Backhanded slaps are permitted only if used in succession. For example, if the Slap Bet Commissioner awards the slapper multiple slaps, the slapper can use a backhand if and only if it's preceded by a forehand. This is commonly referred to as The Dead Man Slap and is the only existing slap that allows the slapper to connect with both sides of the slappee's face thereby earning maximum slappage.
9. When the slappee gets slapped, he/she must accept the fact that they've just got slapped. Any retaliation against the slapper, by the slappee, will result in no less than ten slaps (with a set number to be delivered by the Slap Bet Commissioner.)
10. The most important rule: Enjoy! Few things in this world match the sheer joy one receives from slapping a friend right across the face. Especially after being proven right. So slap away!
I bring this up because my ol' buddy Brandon, The Most Followed Non-Celebrity On Twitter and I have a little disagreement. See, Danny DeVito signed up for Twitter recently, but his account was not "verified," meaning we have no official ruling on whether or not it's actually him from the fine folks at Twitter. Verifying is handy, but I don't think I need any further proof of Mr. DeVito's Twitter account than his account picture:
Yep, that's a topless Danny DeVito, holding a sign that has his Twitter URL on it. Seems fair enough to me. But Brandon is thinking that while there's a 99.99% chance that it's him, you can never be too careful, so he's investigating. I say there's no chance it's not him, so I challenged Brandon to a slap bet, which he accepted.
So here's the deal: Brandon and I will both be carefully watching the internet to determine if the Twitter account in question is, in fact, Danny DeVito. When a winner is determined, Brandon and I shall meet up at a bar of both parties choosing, at which time copious amounts of alcohol will be purchased by the winner. Once the loser is inebriated, the slap will take place. All of this, of course, will be either recorded and put online later or live streamed for your viewing pleasure.
It's on, internet. Let's make slap bet magic.